just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
