i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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