She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I didn't notice because vodka
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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