i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
