i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
