Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
