Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize