i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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