I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
