Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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