The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
