4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Can you bring me the toilet please
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
