so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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