But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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