My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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