Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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