rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
