I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
