Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
