I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
