You can't motorboat a personality
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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