You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize