A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
