Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My bed smells like the plague
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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