so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
