That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
