Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
