I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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