my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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