8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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