yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
