is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
