My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
