I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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