DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
