i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
How external is "for external use only"?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
