smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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