her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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