hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's rum buckets o'clock
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize