I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
