Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
