I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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