I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize