Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
