The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she woke up with a sticky ear
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
