Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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