I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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