i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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