But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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