Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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