Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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