It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
