If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize