Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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