you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You took a bar mat shot.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
