just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So many bounce houses so little time
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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