In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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