apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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