if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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