It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
