I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
