If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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