dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
