So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
