Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
