I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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