Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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