It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
