rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize