I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
