She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
