I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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