Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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