i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Drake has all the answers
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize