threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
