i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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