her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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