11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
