i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
