I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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