When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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