Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Randomize
