Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
