so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
