It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
