she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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