I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
