Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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