Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
