i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize