....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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