when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
