All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
porn star boner night. come get it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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